Medical jokes
материал по английскому языку (11 класс)

Medical jokes

1.

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.

Man: You certainly do! This is a bank.

2.

David: My wife beats me, doctor...

Doctor: Oh dear! How often?

David: Every time we play Scrabble!

3.

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who ate ten coins last night?

Nurse: No change yet.

4.

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I touch my body, it hurts."

The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"

The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my head, it really, really hurts."

The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"

5.

John was working at the garden, pushed a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers. He went to the hospital.

The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."

John says, "I haven't got the fingers."

The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 2023! We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"

John says, "Well, Doc, I couldn't pick them up…"

6.

A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in

room 27. She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty.

"Good," says the man. "That means I must have really escaped."

7.

- Doctor, doctor! I’m afraid of Christmas!

- I think you’re suffering from Claus-trophobia.