Речь Шерлока Холмса, как друга жениха
материал по английскому языку (8 класс) на тему

 Speech of Sherlock as the best man:

"Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, ... and others ... Also ...First things first, telegrams, we just call them telegrams. I don't know why. Wedding tradition. Because we don't have enough of that already apparently.

" To Mr. and Mrs. Watson" " So sorry I am unable to be with you on your special day" "Good luck and best wishes, Mike Stanford". "To John and Mary all good wishes for your special day, with love and many big big squishy cuddles from Stella and Ted". Mary, lots of love" "Poppet Oodles of love and heaps of good wishes from Cam". Wish your family could have seen this". "Special day...". "Very special day ..." "Love, love, love, love, love".

Bit of a theme, you get the general gist. People are basically fond, John Watson. My friend, John Watson John ... When John first broached the subject of being best man, I was confused. I confess at first I didn't realize he was asking me when finally I understood, I expressed to him that I was both flattered and surprised. I explained to him that I'd never expected this request and I was a little daunted in the face of it. I nonetheless promised I would do my very best to accomplish a task which was, for me as demanding and difficult as any I had ever contemplated.

Additionally, I thanked him for the trust he placed in me and indicated that I was in some ways, very close to being moved by it. It later transpired that I'd said none of this out loud.

Done that, done that, done that bit, done that bit, done that bit... I'm afraid, John, I can't congratulate you. All emotions, and in particular love stand opposed to the pure, cold reason. I hold above all things. A wedding is in my considered opinion, nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious and irrational and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world. Today we honour the deathwatch beetle that is the doom of our society, and in time, one feels certain, our entire species. But anyway, let's talk about John. If I burden myself with a little helpmate during my adventures, this is not out of sentiment or caprice, it is that he has many fine qualities of his own that he has overlooked in his obsession with me.

Indeed, any reputation I have for mental activity and sharpness comes in truth from the extraordinary contrast John so selflessly provides. It's a fact, I believe that brides tend to favour exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day.

There is a certain analogy there, I feel. And contrast is, after all. God's own plan to enhance the beauty of his own creation or it would be if God were not a ludicrous fantasy designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot. The point I'm trying to make is that I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant and all-round obnoxious arsehole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet.

I'm dismissive of the virtuous unaware of the beautiful and uncomprehending in the face of the happy.

So if I didn't understand I was being asked to be best man, it is, because I never expected to be anybody's best friend. And certainly not the best friend of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing. John, I am a ridiculous man. Redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship. But, as I am apparently your best friend I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion. Actually, now I can.

Mary, when I say you deserve this man it's the highest compliment of which I am  capable.

John, you have endured war and injury and tragic loss, so sorry again about that last one - so know this, today you sit between the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved. In short, the two people who love you most in all this world. And I know I speak for Mary as well when I say, we will never let you down and we have a lifetime ahead to prove that.

Ah, yes. Now onto some funny stories about John. What's wrong? What happened? Why are you all doing that? John? Did I do it wrong? I haven't finished yet. So onto some funny stories now. If you could all just cheer up a bit, that would be better. On we go. So for funny stories, one has to look no further than John's blog. The record of our time together.. Of course, he does tend to romanticize things a bit, but then you know, he's  a romantic.

We've tackled some strange cases: The Hollow Client, the Poison Giant... We've had some frustrating cases. Touching cases. And of course I have to mention the elephant in the room. But we want something very particular for this special day, don't we? The bloody Guardsman!"

Words:

apparently - несомненно

squishy cuddles -  крепких объятий

Poppet Oodles of love милый

heaps of good wishes - куча хороших пожеланий

the general gist - общая суть

broached the subject - направлять на что либо разговор

was confused. - смущен, удивлен

I confess - признаться

flattered - льстить

daunted - устрашать, запугивать

contemplated.- смотреть, созерцал

transpired - случаться, обнаруживаться

specious - благовидный, правдоподобный

and irrational

ailing - больной, нездоровый

 and morally compromised world - компрометирующий

the deathwatch beetle - жук предсказывающий смерть

the doom - рок, погибель

certain - уверенный

our entire species - наш человеческий род

burden - обременять

helpmate - помощник, супруга

sentiment or caprice - чувства или каприз

obsession - наваждение, мания

overlook - смотреть на что либо сверху, не замечать

selflessly - самоотверженно

provide - запасать, заготовлять, предусматривать

tend to - склонность к

favour - пристрастие, одобрение, расположение

plain - жаловаться

exceptionally - исключительно

enhance -  увеличивать

ludicrous - нелепый

ignorant - невежественный

obnoxious - ненавистный, противный

dismissive - свойственно отсутствие

unaware - незнающий

Redeemed - освобожденный, подкупленный

tackle - распутывать

frustrating - ошеломляющий

Guardsman - караульный, гвардеец