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Funny LESSONS at school
Time-table
English
Teacher: What is the difference between an active verb and a passive one? Pupil: An active verb means an action and a passive one – passion.
Math
Teacher: How much is two plus one? Pupil: I don`t know. Teacher: Well, Tom. I`ll try to help you. Suppose I give you two cats and then I give you one cat. How many cats do you have now? Pupil: Four. Teacher: Why four? Pupil: I have one cat already.
Russian
Teacher: Your Russian exercises are always better than your English exercises. Pupil: That is because my mum does not know English.
History
Teacher: Please tell me what happened in 1850? Pupil: Robert Stevenson was born (the author of “Treasure Island”). Teacher: Good. Now tell me what happened in1854? (Oscar Wild was born. The author of “The Picture of Dorian Grey”) Pupil: In 1854 Rob Stevenson was 4 years old.
Literature
Teacher: How many plays by Shakespeare do you know? Pupil: I know only two of them: “Romeo” and “Juliet”.
Physics
Teacher: What is the between lightning and electricity? Pupil: Well, sir, you don`t have to pay for lightning.
Botany
Teacher: When is the best time to gather fruit? Pupil: When there is no dog in the garden.
Russian
Teacher: I can`t imagine how one person could make so many mistakes. Pupil: It wasn`t one person, teacher. My brother helped me.
English
Teacher: What is an abstract noun? Pupil: I don`t know. Teacher: What? You must know! Well, remember. It`s the name of the thing you cannot touch and take. Now, give me your examples. Pupil: A red-hot iron, cooker, poker.
Biology
Teacher: Along ago people were close to nature and they noticed that when insects, birds, and animals sensed the coming storm they built a shelter. When ancient people saw it, they did it too. Pupil (to another one): Well, now everything is clear. Our neighbour is building a house so the weather will be bad.
Art
Mary: What makes you think our teacher has never seen a house, Tom? Tom: Don`t you know? I drew one at the lesson and he asked me what it was!
Geography
Teacher: This is the fifth time I have punished you this week because of you don`t know where the Baltic Sea is. What have you to say? Pupil: I`m glad it`s Friday, sir.
Physical education
The champion was told that he had a temperature and he asked how high was it. “A hundred and one,” said the doctor. “And what is the world`s record?” asked the champion.
English
Pupil at the lesson: Is English very difficult to study? Teacher: No, it is not difficult. Only the first ten lessons are difficult. Pupil: Then I want to begin with Lesson eleven.
Geography
Teacher: Will you tell me where tigers are found? Pupil: Tigers are so big and dangerous they hardly ever get lost.
Physics
Teacher: Tell me, please, why water changes into ice in winter? Pupil: Oh, it`s an easy question to answer. So that we can go skating.
Astronomy
Teacher: Children, there is to be an eclipse of the Moon tonight. If your parents will let you, I`d like you to stay up and watch it. Pupil: What channel?
Geography
Teacher ( trying to tell her pupils about new discoveries): What is there today that wasn`t here 40 years ago? Pupil: Me!
Math
Teacher: If your brother has 5 apples and you take two of them, what will be the result? Pupil: He will beat me.
English
Teacher: Your English is not correct. You often write “I have went” instead of “I have gone”. You must stay after school and write ‘I have gone” a hundred times. Then you will remember. The pupil wrote: I have wrote “I have gone” a hundred times, and now I have went.
Два морехода
Плавает ли канцелярская скрепка?
Загадка Бабы-Яги
Самарские ученые разработали наноспутник, который поможет в освоении Арктики
Каргопольская игрушка