В работе отражены основные проблемы, с которыми сталкиваются современные подростки в семье, это и непонимание родителей, и жилищные условия, а также алкоголизм, курение, наркомания.
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Contents
Introduction…………………………………………………………………………...3
1. Family life and family problems………………………………………………….5
1.1. What is “a family”?............................................................................................5
1.2. Types of a family………………………………………………………………5
1.3. Actual family problems………………………………………………………..6
2. Teens’ problems in the family…………………………………………………….6
2.1. Generation gap (relationships between parents and children)……………........6
2.2. The only child in the family…………………………………………………...8
2.3. Parents’ divorce………………………………………………………………..9
2.4. Fatherless families………………………………………………………........10
2.5. Alcohol and drug-addiction…………………………………………………..11
2.6. Smoking………………………………………………………………………13
2.7. Gambling……………………………………………………………………..14
2.8. Getting education and looking for a job……………………………………...15
2.9. The housing problem…………………………………………………………16
2.10. Recommendations for keeping the healthy relationships…………………...16
Conclusion…………………………………………………………………………...18
Sources……………………………………………………………………………….19
Introduction
What does your motherland begin from? Only listen! Mother – land! Father – land! The land of our parents, the cradle of Russia is our Motherland, a man is born not only in a family, he is also born in his Motherland. And the child begins to realize it while he is growing and becoming older and older. A family – is the first school where you are taught to be a citizen of you country, where you are given lessons of history.
If one isn’t taught to love his family, he won’t be able to love his Motherland, for it is our great family with brothers and sisters, with parents and children, our ancestors. We should live together in friendship and care. The more we love our dearest and nearest – the more we love our Motherland. Love for Motherland is a great merit of a family, for no one can have real feelings, if he isn’t taught to love a family.
It begins with marriage. A child, born in a family, is given a gift of destiny, he doesn’t choose his family and it depends on his parents what kind of a man he will be. That’s why we can call a family a unit of Mankind’s culture. A family is a kind of a laboratory of people’s destiny.
A family – means love and tenderness, attachment and respect. The main thing in the family is to be understood by people, whom you love, the main thing in your life – is your family.
A family – is the beginning of spiritual richness. A man transfers it to a social and state life. That’s why spiritual crises influence first of all a family and its degradation of leads to the degradation of a society. To teach children to love, and especially to love their Motherland – is the main task of a family.
A family is a very difficult system. People make families hoping to find there love, understanding and support. They want to cope with difficulties and to solve different problems together. Unfortunately, there are quite a lot of problem families in our society. Very often quarrels between wives and husbands end in serious conflicts lasting for years. Every member of such a family lives his own separate life, it’s rather difficult to communicate with each other.
Disruptions in family life certainly have had an impact upon the men, women and children directly involved. However, it is increasingly the case that changes in patterns of family structure also have an effect on the larger society. It is difficult to disentangle which are causes and which are effects, but it is possible to explore some of the social changes associated with changes in family life that have occurred over recent decades.
1. Family life and family problems
1.1. What is “a family”?
There is no single, immutable definition of family. Different cultures and belief systems influence definitions, and because cultures and beliefs change over time, definitions of family by no means are static.
The family is very important as a unit in our society. Nothing else but family can be an emotional center of people's life, can be a transmitter of culture and raising children. Every mother feels great affection for her children and tries to bring them up in a proper way.
Understanding between the members of the family and consideration for others are very important in family relationship. Tenderness, warm-heartedness and respect must always be present in the family to make it friendly.
Family is a basic unit of society. It denotes a group of people related by consanguinity, affinity or co-resistance.
1.2. Types of a family
The idea of family implies an enduring involvement on an emotional level. Family members may disperse around the world, but still be connected emotionally and able to contribute to the dynamics of family functioning. The scientists distinguish some types of a family.
A traditional or conjugal family including heterosexual couples (two parents and their children all living under the same roof).
Extended families or families including blood relatives, which include grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and other relatives.
Elected families, which are self-identified and are joined by choice and not by the usual ties of blood, marriage, and law. For many people, the elected family is more important than the biological family.
A consanguine family consisting of a mother, her children, and different relatives.
A matrifocal family consisting of a mother and her children.
Adoptive families and stepfamilies.
A family experienced significant change in the last few decades and it continues to change. A generation ago, the average family consisted of a mother, a father and some children. The nuclear family maintained important ties to members of the extended family. Today a traditional family consists of a mother, a father and only one or two children. The number of children is decreasing due to social and economic reasons. At the end of the 20th century mothers did not want to have a lot of children because they did not have the opportunity to give them proper education, good clothes and simply enough food. Other non traditional family structures are increasingly common, including families with a single parent and one or more children, or non-married adults with or without children.
1.3. Actual family problems
It’s not a secret that nowadays families face different problems particularly every day or even several times a day. Let’s name some really acute family problems, they are:
2. Teens’ problems in the family
It’s not a secret that teenagers, as well as adults, face different family problems. Relationships with parents, alcohol, drugs and smoking, gambling and getting education are among the most important problems.
2.1. Generation gap (relationships between parents and children)
Every generation is unique in its experience. It has its own ideals and a system of values concerning every aspect of human life. Adults always complain that the young are not what they were. These words are repeated from generation to generation. The difference in ideas, feelings, and interests between older and younger people causes the lack of understanding.
In fact today the young are better educated. They grow up more quickly. They derive joy from more freedom. At present the young do not blindly accept the ideals of their parents. For them everything that the adults bear in mind is past history. And this is inevitable, because different generations take different directions. Moreover, the young look forward and the old people look backward. The adult always teach the young how to live. They apply old standards to the new way of life. The past is hanging over them preventing them from appreciating the things around them anew. The young think that the adults have lost touch with everything that is important in life. They are right, because what is important to the adults is the past. The young know what they want. They prefer to make their own mistakes rather than to listen to the warnings of the adults. The past exists to help the young to avoid unnecessary blurs. But they don’t want to have them. The young want to live their own life. They want to overcome their own difficulties without turning back. Unfortunately the life of the young is frequently determined by the adults. The adults start the war but the young die in it. The young and adults have different points of view concerning everything. And it generates the conflict of the generations.
Adults think that teenagers are too young to be taken seriously. This misunderstanding produced many problems. Actually, a lot of teenagers say that their parents let them do anything they want and are quite indifferent to their problems.
Many teenagers get upset or depressed because they can't solve their problems. As a result, it makes them believe that there is only one way out – to commit suicide.
The atmosphere in the family influences children’s mental abilities. They become nervous, rude. It may lead to refusal to attend school or even to running away from home. In extreme cases some might turn to crime and become juvenile delinquents.
I’d like to say that a lot of teens like to look older, that’s why they obtain bad habits like gambling, smoking, drinking, taking drugs.
Every new generation is different from the one that preceded it. Today the differences are especially considerable. The adults always believe that they know best only because they have been around a bit longer. They don't want their values to be doubted. The young on the other hand are questioning the assumptions of the adults, they suspect that the world created by their predecessors was not the best one.
If we compare teenagers of the past and teenagers today, we will find that they face almost the same problems, and still they are different in many ways. The similarity lies in the psychology of human beings, the differences – in economical and political situation.
I think that the only way to solve this insoluble problem both the young and adults should be tolerant and patient.
2.2. The only child in the family
It’s not a secret that nowadays more and more families choose to have the only one child or even to be a child-free family for various reasons. Very often the main reason is economic situation in a country and in a concrete family. Only people who have a good financial situation can afford more than one child, in the other way they'll make a great mistake.
There are some of the common stereotypes related to only children:
Most people stereotype because it is quick and convenient. People of childbearing age today who were raised to believe that only children are demanding, difficult and emotionally challenged, need to update their thinking after being exposed to the facts. Being an only child 40 years ago had a completely different status than it does today. Only children who were raised 40 years ago had different experiences than an only child being raised today. Our entire culture has changed.
In fact, singletons, who live in a home where the parents are satisfied with 1 child are more likely to be satisfied being an only child themselves. Singletons who live in a home with parents who are vocal about their desire to have more children, are more likely to be dissatisfied being alone and to question the reason(s). Having a sibling does not guarantee lifelong companions or protect one from loneliness, etc…
Some people can say that the only children don’t like playing with others. But it’s just one of the myths. Only children growing up without siblings don’t know what it is like to have someone around all the time. If their childhood is pleasant in other aspects (good living conditions, parents who get along, etc), they are going to appreciate what they have - they don’t know any different. In reality, many only children appreciate the fact that they have their parents all to themselves.
There is also a point of view that only children are shy. But in practice, it makes sense that only children would be less shy, not more shy. Society is changing - we schedule “play dates” for our children as young as 6 months old. Schools are almost universal where only children can learn to fight and play with the best of them.
The only child in the family is the apple of his parent's eyes. Of course, he can be spoilt a little because of his single state, undivided attention from parents. But at the same time very often the only children grew up independent, unafraid of spending time alone, and comfortable around adults as well as kids.
Most of specialists suppose that only in a family with one child a real leader can be born and educate.
But there are situations when parents are overprotective, underestimating their child's skills and talents and often criticizing his efforts to be independent. Thus he is not sure of his real value.
His start into adult life seems to be easier when we take into consideration welfare, comfort and living standards. But from the point of view of maturity his start is more difficult as he becomes independent later than his friends of the same age and sometimes cannot solve simple problems at work because so far his parents have always done it for him.
Responsible parents should know that family is the first little community where the personality of a child develops and they should teach him how to cope with everyday problems and learn to compromise in an argument, as well as understand others and love them. It is much more difficult to bring up the only child as the process of teaching him the terms of living in a society is rather artificial.
2.3. Parents’ divorce
There is disagreement as to whether liberalisation of divorce laws caused increased rates of divorce, or whether legal reform was a response to increased demand for divorce. The truth probably is some combination of these hypotheses. However, the fact that divorce has been firmly established as an option for married couples can actually have an impact on people’s behaviour.
One out of every two marriages today ends in divorce and many divorcing families include children. Parents who are getting a divorce are frequently worried about the effect the divorce will have on their children. During this difficult period, parents may be preoccupied with their own problems, but continue to be the most important people in their children's lives.
Some parents feel so hurt or overwhelmed by the divorce that they may turn to the child for comfort or direction. Divorce can be misinterpreted by children unless parents tell them what is happening, how they are involved and not involved, and what will happen to them.
Children often believe they have caused the conflict between their parents. Many children assume the responsibility for bringing their parents back together, sometimes by sacrificing themselves.
Parents should be alert to signs of distress in their child or children. Young children may react to divorce by becoming more aggressive and uncooperative or by withdrawing. Older children may feel deep sadness and loss. Their schoolwork may suffer and behavior problems are common. As teenagers and adults, children of divorce can have trouble with their own relationships and experience problems with self-esteem.
Children will do best if they know that their mother and father will still be their parents and remain involved with them even though the marriage is ending and the parents won't live together. Long custody disputes or pressure on a child to "choose" sides can be particularly harmful for the youngster and can add to the damage of the divorce.
2.4. Fatherless families
There have been many historical periods in which children lived part or all of their lives without their fathers. These fathers were absent due to work or military obligations or died before their children reached adulthood.
A more recent trend involves more fathers deserting or being pushed out of their families, or their influence being reduced due to non-residence. In some families, this pattern has reproduced itself over several generations and has become the norm. Often, these families also live in areas of economic deprivation, high crime rates and low expectations. Within this environment, it has become easier and more acceptable to avoid integrating fathers into family life.
The increase in the number and proportion of loneparent households occurred in part due to increased divorce. At the same time, other social changes were occurring. Fewer people married, and more chose to cohabit before or instead of marrying. More children were born outside marriage. These changes created several routes into fatherless households.
Today, one out of every four children is born out of wedlock. So they have only one parent, more often it is a mother. A lot of my friends are brought up is such families. It’s a pity but everybody considers it to be a usual case. The children are not influenced by their fathers, because men are mainly the so called Sunday-fathers, who provide entertainment, give their children pocket money, but they are not able to speak about serious problems, which their children have in the relationships with their friends and with their classmates.
It has long been recognized that children growing up in lone-mother households are more likely to have emotional, academic, and financial problems and are more likely to engage in behaviour associated with social exclusion, such as offending, teenage pregnancy, alcohol and drug abuse or worklessness.
Children living without their biological fathers are more likely to live in poverty and deprivation, to have emotional or mental problems, to have more trouble in school and in getting along with others, have higher risk of health problems likely, to run away from home. They are at greater risk of suffering physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.
Teenagers living without their biological fathers are more likely to experience problems with sexual health, to become teenage parents, to smoke to drink alcohol to take drugs to leave school at 16 or to be excluded from school.
2.5. Alcohol and drug-addiction
Alcohol and drug-addiction is a relatively new problem but it is becoming more and more dangerous.
Alcoholics can be of any age, background, income level, social, or ethnic group. Very often alcoholism affects highly educated people. Several studies even showed that people who lack motivation are less likely to become addicted to alcohol than highly motivated individuals.
Each member of the family may be affected by alcohol differently. Parental alcoholism may affect the fetus even before a child is born. In pregnant women, alcohol is carried to all of the mother’s organs and tissues, including the placenta, where it easily crosses through the membrane separating the maternal and fetal blood systems. When a pregnant woman drinks an alcoholic beverage, the concentration of alcohol in her unborn baby’s bloodstream is the same level as her own. A pregnant woman who consumes alcohol during her pregnancy may give birth to a baby with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Such babies are shorter and underweight compared to normal babies. They have deformities of the brain and very characteristic facial features such as small eye openings; thin upper lips; long, flat faces; and a long groove in the middle of their upper lips. These children’s central nervous systems are also damaged. These children are hyperactive – unable to sit or stand still for a long time. They are often impulsive, poorly coordinated, and have impaired speech and hearing.
Parental alcoholism also has severe effects on normal children of alcoholics. Many of these children have common symptoms such as low self-esteem, loneliness, guilt, feelings of helplessness, fears of abandonment, and chronic depression. Children of alcoholics may feel responsible for the problems of the alcoholic and may think they created the problem. Young children of alcoholics may have frequent nightmares, bed wetting, and crying. They also may not have friends and may be afraid to go to school. Older children of alcoholics may show such depressive symptoms as obsessive perfectionism, hoarding, staying by themselves, or being excessively self-conscious. The stressful environment at home prevents them from studying. They have difficulty in establishing relationships with teachers and classmates, tend more often to have to repeat the academic year and more often drop out of school. They never know what to expect from an alcoholic parent. Because they are unable to predict their parent’s mood, they don’t know how to behave themselves. Children of alcoholics feel guilty for their failure to save their parents from the effects of alcohol.
Alcohol affects each member of the family – from the unborn child to the alcoholic’s spouse. Its far-reaching affects result in not only physical problems for the alcoholics, but also may result in physical and psychological problems for other members of the family.
Young people suppose that vodka, beer and wine are easily available and inexpensive. Early alcoholism is caused by beer-addiction. Advertising beer TV showed the cleverest, the most attractive young men going to buy beer for his friends.” Who will go for Klinsky?” But I would advise them to show what he really buys- shaking hands silly expression of his face and health problems. Thirteen- to fifteen-year-olds are at high risk to begin drinking According to the results of an annual survey of students in 8th, 10th, and 11th grades, 26 percent of 8th graders, 40 percent of 10th graders, and 51 percent of 11th graders reported drinking alcohol within the past month. Binge drinking at least once during the 2 weeks before the survey was reported by 16 percent of 8th graders, 25 percent of 10th graders, and 30 percent of 11th graders. Children who are drinking alcohol by 7th grade are more likely to report academic problems, substance use, and delinquent behavior in both middle school and high school. By young adulthood, early alcohol use was associated with employment problems, other substance abuse, and criminal and other violent behavior. Young people who begin drinking before age 15 are four times more likely to develop alcoholism than those who begin drinking at 21.
Millions of young people today are using drugs. Usually they want just to try it, starting with light drugs like marijuana. Then they can’t stop and in a year or may be two years they will die. Drug-addiction is a disease. Drug and alcohol consumption can destroy individual’s life.
2.6. Smoking
Despite being aware of the health dangers of smoking cigarettes, about one third of the high school students smoke. The biggest influences on children’s lives are their parents. It is very important to explain the teens the dangers of smoking as early as possible.
Nicotine has a more profound effect on the brains of teenagers than on an adult. It is a fact that children who starts smoking before the age of 15 will continue to smoke all their adult life. This is why smoking is bad for teenagers. A cigarette contains more than 4000 chemical compounds among which 40 are carcinogens and unfortunately, it affects the health of a child in a very bad way.
Teenage Smoking facts and smoking statistics
1. Cause of depression – Smoking is the main cause of depression, illegal drug use and alcohol abuse among teenagers.
2. % of teen smoking - There has been a decline in teen smoking since mid 1990’s but the adolescent smoking is on the rise in the latest report.
3. Female/Male- In recent years, it is seen that females are becoming more enthusiastic smokers than males.
4.Cigarettes advertisement – is an important fact that cigarette advertisement increases the risk of teenage smoking as it misleads kids. Although cigarette advertisements are banned on television, teenage smoking is promoted through various television shows and magazines.
5. Addiction – most teenagers who smoke are addicted to nicotine so even if they want to STOP smoking, they cannot.
6. Other drugs – It has been researched that teenager who smoke are 13 times more likely to use any kind of illegal drug and nine times more likely to use alcohol as compared to teenagers who do not smoke.
7. Attacks – smoking has also been linked to general anxiety and panic attacks among teenagers.
8. Substance abuse – smoking is clearly linked to substance abuse in teenagers as teenagers who smoke are 13 times likely to use marijuana drug.
9. Alcohol – according to the latest report, teenagers who smoke are five to six times more likely to drink alcohol.
2.7. Gambling
When teenagers get upset or depressed, they often turn to gambling. Scientists believe that about 75% of teenagers gamble. It is a form of addiction and teen gamblers are addicts. We often watch young people betting on football and on all the sports. They do well at first. They can’t wait to get the sports page to see who to bet on. Then teens usually discover Internet gambling. Young people stay up all night and feel a sleep at school. They begin losing money but still can’t stop it. Sometimes they even use their parents’ credit cards to gamble online. You can see teenagers gamble in cafes, amusement arcades, in the street. 16- and 17-year olds, who gamble are more likely to become adducted to drags and alcohol.
What should be done to prevent teens’ gambles?
But still we can say that only a family can give a teen a real support. Can help him to cope with gambling.
2.8. Getting education and looking for a job
One of the worst teenage problems is schooling. Sometimes they feel bad because of teachers’ or classmates’ attitude to them. They are tired of studying, that’s why they don’t have energy and time for doing other things. The actual youth problem is difficulty to get an education.
A lot of young people think that education is impossible because of lack of money. They would like to get a high education, but it is very difficult to enter the university or very expensive to study there.
Young people are discriminated when they seek for a job, for they are inexperienced. There is a problem of some kind. To find a job - you should have experience, but to have experience - you should have a job. They are offered a low- paid job. It is also difficult to find a job according to their qualification. The problem of unemployment leads to material problems.
Almost all young people face the shortage of money. Young people have to pay for everything, they need, they have to pay their bills, food, clothes but they don't have enough money.
2.9. The housing problem
The housing problem is still unsolved. Usually young people have no chance to buy or to rent an apartment because of soaring of real estate prices. No housing and no hopes to get it. They have to lead unsettled life in hard living conditions. Some of them have even nowhere to live. The lack of their own dwelling prevents young parents from creating families.
2.10 Recommendations for keeping the healthy relationships
Certainly one of the most important things about any problem is the way we regard it. Do we think it is important? Does it really matter? Do we think something can be done about it, or do we accept it as a cross that must always be borne, and that all that matters is the bearing of it?
When major family relationship problems are encountered, it’s common to attempt a control strategy. You try to get the other person to change. Sometimes this approach works, especially if your request and the other person are both reasonable. But many times it just leads to frustration.
On the other hand, if you can’t change the other person, maybe you should just accept them as they are. That’s another strategy that sometimes works, but this one can also lead to frustration and even resentment if your needs aren’t being met.
There is, however, a third alternative for those times when changing the other person and accepting the other person as-is are both unworkable for you. And that option is to change yourself in a way that solves the problem. This requires that you redefine the problem as an internal one instead of an external one, and then the solution will take the form of an expansion of your awareness and/or a change in your beliefs.
An internal way of viewing relationship problems is that they reflect back to you a part of yourself that you dislike. If you have a negative external relationship situation, it’s a reflection of a conflict in your own thinking. As long as you keep looking outside yourself for the answer, you may never resolve the external problem. But once you start looking inside yourself for the problem, it may become easier to solve.
We attract into our lives more of what we already are. If you don’t like the social situation you find yourself in, stop broadcasting the thoughts that attract it. Identify the nature of the external conflicts you experience, and then translate them into their internal equivalents. For example, if a family member is too controlling of you, translate that problem into your own internal version: You feel your life is too much out of your control. When you identify the problem as external, your attempted solutions may take the form of trying to control other people, and you’ll meet with strong resistance. But when you identify the problem as internal, it’s much easier to solve. If another person exhibits controlling behavior towards you, you may be unable to change that person. However, if you feel you need more control in your life, then you can actually do something about it directly without needing to control others.
Conclusion
To keep a loving, healthy relationship takes work and time. Too often relationships break down due to many reasons - partners start taking each other for granted, they don't communicate and listen to each other, they allow bad feeling to build up, they don't spend quality time together etc. etc. There are things you can do which will help to keep your relationship healthy and loving and which could avoid the heartache and distress of a relationship breakdown.
A lot of activities help members of the family to be on friendly terms: discussing all the family plans together, going on trips, hikes together, visiting museums, theaters, exhibitions and exchanging opinions about them, sharing the same joys and sorrows. If you think of the others in the family you show your love and attention in everyday life, you can hurt them if you are selfish, not sincere and rude. It is very important to visit relatives on holidays, on birthdays, on anniversaries and develop close relationship. We feel more affection for our relatives when we are parted from them.
When the family is friendly, everybody has the warmed feelings of returning home where dear relatives are waiting for them. There are different opinions on how children should be treated if they disobey their parents, break the rules, do forbidden things, don't keep their words or promises. Some people think that parents should be patient, kind and understanding. The rules and children's behaviors are discussed in such families. But others believe that children ought always to obey the parents and if they won't they should be punished.
From my point of view, such principles won't do a lot of good. Fear and punishment will lead to selfishness, cruelty and lies. But "love and kindness will save the world".
To my mind all parents should remember Janush Korchak’s words:’’There are no children- there are people, but with their own thoughts, their own source of experience their own desires and feelings.’’And at the same time young people should find mutual language with adults, to respect elder people and the problems of misunderstanding will be settled. Family life will be peaceful and friendly.
Family life can be difficult at times. You can't choose your family, they're with you for life so it's important to find a way to work through your problems.
Sources
http://www.potku.ru/test1/oli/vita/bbc-english-learn.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Lean
http://www.topenglishOnlinelanguageresources
http://www.spokenenglishNativespeakers-Free
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