Men make houses, women make homes

Men Make Houses, Women Make Homes

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

What is man? What is woman? The sex in its most general form defines a set of genetically determined traits of an individual defining its role in the process of fertilization. That is, it is the sex chromosomes, hormones, which enable us to establish who is a woman and who is a man. The gender, however, is manifested in behavior that is consistent with the notions what is right / wrong or normal / abnormal for a particular sex. Traditionally, the male and the female have always been considered as opposite and complementary to one another. At the same time, it was not taken into account that the existing notions of the male and the female in different geopolitical spaces were different and changed in the course of history. The twentieth century proved to be an era of profound social and political transformations when natural differences between men and women has been questioned. Gender stereotypes are “generalized notions and beliefs formed in a particular culture how really men and women behave. The emergence of gender stereotypes is caused by historical emergence of a model of gender relations which placed sex differences over the individual ones, the qualitative differences of individual men and women”[1]. According to beliefs popular in our society, a woman represents a “weaker sex”, and her ultimate purpose is motherhood; a man represents a “stronger sex”. These notions are examples of gender stereotypes.

Gender equality is the equality of rights and opportunities of men and women, including access to resources.

A woman has the same human nature that a man has, the same human rights: to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, the same human duties.

Each man has the natural right to the normal development of their nature, so far as it is general-human, neither man nor woman, but human. Each woman has the natural right to the normal development of her nature, so far as it is general-human, neither woman nor man. But each man has also a natural and unalienable right to the normal development of his peculiar nature as man, where he differs from woman. Each woman has just the same natural and unalienable right to the normal development of her peculiar nature as woman, and not man.

In other words, a woman has the same individual right to determine her aim in life, and to follow it; has the same individual rights of body and spirit, of mind and conscience, and heart and soul; the same physical rights, the same intellectual, moral, religious rights that a man has. That is true of womankind as a whole.

Every person, man or woman, is an individual. Accordingly, to complete and perfect the individual man or woman, and give each an opportunity to possess, use, develop and enjoy these rights, there must be concerted and joint action: else individuality is only a possibility, not a reality. So the individual rights of woman carry with them the same domestic, social, ecclesiastical and political rights as those of man.

      The actuality of our work is the fact that the position of man and woman has greatly changed during the history. And at different stages it becomes different.

At the same time, our work can help teachers to use some material during discussions and debates devoted to the problems of relationship between a man and a woman. Some ideas may be used as a starting point for warming-up at the lessons of English of senior pupils.

The innovation of this work consists in making an attempt to find out gender differences in men’s and women’s behavior  today and present the fact of gender behavior stereotype which makes the process of learning English and communication of both sexes more understandable. It will help teachers to treat boys and girls in the same class differently.

Our work is a critical review of the literature on the contribution of men and women to the family, economic and social development. It is made on contrasts: the contrast between two definitions: house and home; man and woman. The work identifies situations that reveal the stereotypes existed for many years. Besides critical review of special literature, we conducted the survey among the senior pupils in Gymnasium №1 Nikolskoe Town. Finally, it concludes with the situation   towards gender equality today.

The aim of our study is to study the issues of gender stereotypes prevalent in Gymnasium №1 in Nikolskoe.

The tasks are:

• To study the concept of “house’ and “home”;
• To analyze family and social roles of man and woman;
• To analyze the prevalence of gender stereotypes in the Gymnasium environment, based on the opinions of senior pupils;
• To conduct a brief comparative analysis of the results of studying the views of pupils on issues of gender stereotypes.

           The object of the research work is the pupils’ attitude to the problem.

The subject of the research is the stereotypes that exist in our establishment concerning this problem.

While solving the tasks of our research we use the following methods:

• Studying;
• Interviewing;
• Comparative analysis.

The work is written in English and includes 27 pages. It consists of introduction, theoretical and practical parts, conclusion, references and appendix

The Main Part

UNIT 1. THE STEREOTYPES BETWEEN HOUSE AND HOME

The first stereotype is “Men make houses, woman make home”. The translation of these two words are similar. But house is a building in which a person or a family lives; house is concrete.  The main purpose of it is to be inhabited by humans. A house can be your aunt’s house, or your grandmothers house, or your friends house. A house is a domestic shelter but a home is where one's domestic affections are centered. A house is a building where one may live on a temporarily basis without one’s family.

 In contrast, a home can refer either to a building or to any location that a person thinks of as the place where they lives and that belongs to her. A home can be a house or an apartment, but it could also be a tent, a boat, or an underground cave. Homes, on the other hand, refer to places of residence – residences where a person keeps their personal belongings and feels safe and secure there. A home can even be something abstract, a place in your mind. When you say, “Let’s go home,” you are probably not talking simply about going to the physical structure where you live. You are talking about being in the special place where you feel most comfortable and that belongs to you. It doesn’t even have to be a house. Some people and animals make caves as their home. The proverb says that “It takes a heap of living to make a house a home”. It means that people have to spend a lot of time living in a house before it becomes a real home. Home is an abstract term that defines a place that has great memories, a place that you feel that you belong to. A home is a place that’s your comfort zone, a familiar space where a person was born in or grew up in, usually.  But home is just opposite of house, where you are living with your family.

A house can however become a home too when a family lives in it and brings in the elements of love and security into it. It leaves a psychological impact and influence on a person’s behavior and emotions; extended time spent away from the home even leads to ‘home-sickness’, a condition where a person actually presents with symptoms of being ill! But till date, you would never have heard about a person being ‘house-sick’! And people usually buy houses and sell houses. You see adverts ‘house for rent’ or ‘house for sale’…but never ‘home for sale’. This is because home is not a place, but a feeling, an emotion. Houses have no souls, but homes do – they have the soul of love emanating from the people who live in it. Your office cabin is like a house, you won’t miss it tomorrow, but that classroom that you sat on for so many years while you were in school…now that is like a home, as you will definitely want to go back there. The term house is derived from the olden days where ‘hus’ in English meant a ‘dwelling, home, house or shelter’. Houses today are made of cement, stones, steel and wood, they are strong and hardy and can withstand most calamities in life; numerous builders are into the business of making sure houses come in spacious designs with the best of fittings and finishing’s to appeal to even the fussiest ones. However, the builder cannot make it into a home. It is what happens, when a family moves in and creates a safe haven out of it, where memories are made as children grow and get married off….and love is shared among family and friends. A home is where you have a wife, children, or a girl friend or you just feel secure that that is where you want to be and you enjoy the premises. A home is where congenial people live, love each other, forgive each other, understand more each other, live in peace and avoid frictions at every count. A home is a place where the children will be happy and creative in thinking and positive in attitude.

According to our survey, only 30% of the pupils know the difference between these two terms. But while reading books, 87,5% of the pupils pay attention to the description of houses. 100 (!) of them feel warmth while hearing the word “home”. The same position is according to the English proverb “He has no home whose house is everywhere”. 97% of the pupils agree that the house reflects the inner world of its inhabitants. 100 % of the pupils miss the house when they are away from it.

Our pupils also have their own ideas about concepts house and home. Here are their thoughts. Angelina, 16: “Home is where you feel comfortable. Where you love being”. Natasha, 16: “ Home is where your loyalty  should be and you should look after all who live there”. Sofia, 17: Wherever you go in life and whatever you become, your home will be where you feel comfortable and it’s a familiar place”.

Misha, 16: “ Home is defined as a place where one resides. But there is more to it than that. It’s a place where you can relax, feel comfortable, it’s your place of escape”.

UNIT II.  STEREOTYPE “ MEN MAKE HOUSES”

In both the developing and the developed world, men still wield enormous power over many aspects of life. In the public spheres, as heads of states and government ministers, as leaders of religious and faith-based institutions, as judges, as heads of armies and other agencies of force, or as village heads, men design and implement policies that may or may not favor women's priorities and needs. As public authorities, they also exert control over a large variety of resources such as health, education, transportation or finance. Legal or regulatory barriers which restrict women's access to those resources, perpetuate gender inequality in many parts of the globe. In the private sphere, as husbands (or partners) and fathers, men can directly affect the economic and social progress of women. In many societies, men still have the final say on issues related to family planning and reproductive health, their wives' and daughters' labor market participation, and the use of family resources, including medical and educational expenditures. In the developed world, men's limited participation on childcare and housework places a great burden on women's educational and professional careers. Both in the public and the private life, all over the world, men have a significant and undeniable role in the socioeconomic progress.

Though husbands may not benefit directly from their wife’s increase in bargaining power, they might indirectly gain from augmenting other women’s rights in two ways. First, men are altruistic towards their own children, some of which are daughters. Since men want their daughters to be treated well by their sons-in-law and they want their grandchildren to be well educated, men have a motivation to improve their daughters' bargaining position. Secondly, a father prefers high-quality mates for his children and therefore stands to gain from building the human capital of his future children-in-law through their mothers.

Studying literature, we have learnt some peculiarities of men. Thus,

• To feel good about themselves, men must achieve goals by themselves.
• For men, doing things by themselves is a symbol of efficiency, power and competence.
• In general, men are more interested in objects and things rather than people and feelings.
• Men rarely talk about their problems unless they are seeking “expert” advice; asking for help when you can do something yourself is a sign of weakness.
• Men are more aggressive than women; more combative and territorial.
• Men’s self esteem is more career-related.
• Men feel devastated by failure and financial setbacks; they tend to obsess about money much more than women.
• Men hate to ask for information because it shows they are a failure.

Speaking about the duties of a man, we have made a conclusion that they  are performed by men for the general good of society. The most important of them is their duty to family. Men provide the basic necessities of life for their wives and children, including ensuring the family with appropriate shelter, clothing and food, not to mention access to adequate health care. They are also obligated to ensure their children get access to quality education and training to help them meet life’s challenges, not least of all love and care for the family. The second one is their duties to a partner. Men are expected to love and respect their wives because they are companions and partners in life. It is the duty of a man to respectfully and tenderly provide both materially and emotionally to his wife, including showing love, tenderness and affection. This makes wives feel loved and appreciated and contributes to matrimonial unity that is important for a happy marriage and creating a conducive, nurturing environment for raising children. And finally, the third duty is duties to country. Duties of men to country are usually linked with rights guaranteed by laws. Men are obligated to recognize, observe and promote the rights and freedoms provided by constitutions, including recognizing peoples’ right to life, liberty and security. As we see, a man should be a good citizen by being a good son, good father, good brother, good friend and good husband; and duty to defend society, serving it, living in submission to the laws, and respecting those who are the agents of it.

In the 21st century basically when it comes to most things, it seems that women can do everything that a man can do. However, no matter how hard they try, there are also certain things that a man can do that a simply woman cannot do.

For example: when it comes to feats of physical strength, endurance and speed, women are still unable to match men. But there are things which men can do but women can’t. They are:

1. Be a boyfriend.
2. Be a husband.
3. Be a father.
4. Be a grandfather.

The role of men in society has transformed immensely. 
We’ve find some information that “if men want to be successful in their marriage and family life, they have to change and broaden their definition of what it means to be successful as a man”. [2]

According to our research 89 % of the students believe that the main function of a man in a family is to be a good provider. It means not only supporting a family financially. A man should also contribute to the emotional, spiritual, physical and mental well-being of his family.

91 % believe that a man should be a  protector. It means protecting his wife’s self-esteem and self-worth as well as his children's. It can also mean protecting his way of life and guarding against any threats to the things that he and his family value. 

67% believe that the role of a leader means that a man takes the lead. Being a leader means that a man gets what he gives. One more role is a teacher.              
It's important to provide a good example for children. Historically speaking, that head of household was always male. But the rapidly developing world has brought about many changes into the traditional roles of both men and women.

Men take more care of children now. Woman still bear the greatest responsibility for household tasks and they tend to reserve the right to decide about areas that they traditionally take care of.

Being a good provider, protector, leader and teacher is a privilege that comes with responsibilities that many men aren't aware of. 

The stereotype about men is that “men are cleverer than women” - 58 % agree. At the same time, 28% of the respondents believe that “young men have less responsible attitude to work than young women”. 38% believe that “politics is a purely male business”. Thus, about one-third of students think of men’s better mental abilities and their destiny to be politicians. The stereotype about the men’s need to contain their emotions is a very common one. More than a half of the respondents (64%) believe that “a man should be strong and should always conceal his emotions”. This gender norm has deep social roots and results in dire consequences. Since childhood, boys are taught that they need to suppress their emotions, “If you’re a man, you shall not cry or complain, you must be strong”.

The majority of the respondents have agreed that “for a man it is a shame to earn less than a woman” (84%). 45 % think that “the wife should not earn more than her husband”.

Regarding the participation of men in household chores, the pupils not so often support a categorical statement that it is not the man’s business. 22% agreed with the statement that “a man should not do household chores”. So, the young men in their views on their sex and their gender roles are more traditional than the women. The general stereotype  “equality of women and men is impossible” has shown that 56 % agree with this statement. The most pronounced is a new perspective on the role of a man-father. Traditionally, the primary educator of children and the best parent was believed to be the woman. Today, 69% agree with the statement that “men are able to take good care of the children”. About half of the students agreed with the statement that “it is necessary to teach people from childhood that a woman should be treated in the same way as a man”. As we have already noticed earlier, the vision of women as the “weaker sex” is characteristic for the state as well, and that is confirmed by its paternalistic policies towards women. On the one hand, today it should be done so, but, on the other hand, it is necessary to create conditions for women to feel and behave as self-sufficient persons. Society of gender equality - it is just such a society. Let’s make an assumption that the increasing self-consciousness of women and their ever greater confidence in their abilities and not understanding by men can be a serious challenge of interpersonal gender interaction.

67 % agreed that “men are more conservative than women in their views”.

UNIT III. STEREOTYPE “WOMEN MAKE HOMES”

So, what the woman should be proud of? What is her main value? Women’s role in society began to change with the industrial revolution. Previously most women had spent their lives at home, primarily as careers – of husbands and family, or of parents or relatives. When they took paid employment, most of the jobs available to them were in areas such as teaching, nursing or domestic service. Many women were employed as cheap labour, once industries such as factories and cotton mills were established. Although their wages were low, their earning power gave them a certain amount of independence.

Two world wars gave women more opportunities. They did work on farms and in factories previously done by men, and did it well.

This changed society’s view of their role; it also changed their own views of their potential. But until the 1950s it was unusual for a woman to be in a senior position in government service, law, banking or other aspects of business. The law gradually acknowledged that women should not be treated differently from men.

Previously, a woman’s property passed to her husband on marriage. Today both sexes can vote at the age of 18.

As many women work today, they think it is unfair for men always to pay for everything when they go out, and they pay for themselves. Some women also say that if a man pays for them they feel like they owe him something. Some modern women prefer to pay because they want to feel like an equal partner on a date. They say that if they are taken places and paid for they don’t feel free and equal. However, lots of British, German, American and French men still pay for women on dates. They feel it is the man’s role to do so, but with women’s and men’s roles changing so fast everywhere, it is often confusing to know what to do. Of course, a lot depends on one’s cultural assumption or belief about the way the world works, a way to understand reality. And as cultures vary, cultural assumptions are different in different countries as well. About 30% of the pupils said that both boys and girls pay at dates.

As to bringing up the children in general, we have to say that today there are most of the families where the wife works, the father is often more involved in the process. Many men in Russia have found a new type of relationship with their wives and their children as a result of sharing responsibilities and spending more time with the family irrespective of this or that cultural assumption. Of course, initially the man who stood at the kitchen sink or did housework was a figure of fun to his work mates or colleagues. There was a suggestion that such a man was losing his masculinity, becoming “too soft”. Nevertheless, running a home and having a job is still expected from mothers of single-parent families or married women who take a job outside the home, as more than 4% per cent of women among the senior pupils’mothers in our establishment are alone today. It is still exceptional when a man runs a home and a job. Even more exceptional is the reversal of roles, when the woman becomes the only earner for the household and the man remains at home.

Very often nowadays, due to the idea of shared responsibility, husbands and wives share their duties about their homes, and it is really of no importance who cooks in the family-providing the cooking is good. 37% of the pupils admitted that they usually look forward to having dishes prepared by their fathers.  

As for fast food which previously was more timesaving, modern and safe, it is becoming less popular today. There is a certain revival of family values, good home-made dinners included, all over the civilized world as well in Russia. People are tired of frozen pizzas, potato chips and TV dinners, and prefer plain old cooked meat with potatoes, or even healthy food. That is why among our pupils 62% of men respondents believe their wives may be good or better than they are in cooking.

We also learnt the students’ attitude to the stereotype that “a woman’s place is at home”. 75 % of the students consider a woman to be a worker as well. It is quite common these days for women in some countries to stay home after getting married. This trend is not only restricted to the rich family where the women do not need to work because they already have too much money to cover for their family everyday needs. It is also among the middle class families where the husbands take the major roles of getting money for their families. The reasons for this trend may involve the recognition that there are so many things for women to do after they get married, particularly for those who decide to have babies, e.g. raising children, taking care of her family and keeping house all is very tired and time consuming. Therefore, if the women can stay home, it will be easier for them and even for their husbands because they can concentrate completely on their job and their career, which is very important for every men, without worrying about who will cook for his children today, who will take care of them, who will do the housework, etc. But in Russia many men work as contractors who always have to travel a lot to get jobs. In our town there are so-called “a distant family” when a husband works in another city or even a country. There are, however, certain drwbacks of women staying home. Women may find it boring and tiresome to do everyday tasks, but they have no other choice and cannot adapt to the situation. If this lasts long, it will be very dangerous for them because it can lead them to affection of depressed. 51% of the pupils’ opinion is that men should respect their wives' decisions whether to work or not.

But there is the other side of this position. If a woman is a breadwinner in a family, she doesn’t respect her husband. When a woman doesn’t fully respect the man that she is in a relationship with, she will begin to lose her feelings of attraction for him and without respect and understanding, the love simply cannot grow, mature and deepen over time.

It’s not up to a woman to rise through the levels of life to make her man feel safe. She can do it if she wants to, but she knows (and so does pretty much every other woman on the planet) that it’s not her role in a relationship with a man.

Even when a woman is strong, powerful and successful in life, she still needs to feel that she is a feminine woman in her relationship because she is with a masculine man.

As we have understood, the problem lies in the psychology of a woman. Studying literature, we have learnt some peculiarities of women. Thus,

• Women value love, communication, beauty and relationships.
• A woman’s sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships. They spend much time supporting, nurturing and helping each other.
• Personal expression, in clothes and feelings, is very important.
• Communication is important. Talking, sharing and relating is how a woman feels good about herself.
• For women, offering help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength; it is a sign of caring to give support.
• Women are very concerned about issues relating to physical attractiveness; changes in this area can be as difficult for women as changes in a man’s financial status.
• When men are preoccupied with work or money, women interpret it as rejection.
• Women can wear men’s clothes to work.
• Women can dance together.
• Women can wear makeup.

After studying the attitude of the senior pupils to certain stereotypes about women, it is believed that “young women are more responsible and hardworking than young men”. Most respondents (68%) tend to believe that this is a correct judgment. A strong stereotype is associated with the ability to drive a car. More than a half of all respondents believe that “women drive a car worse than men”. 31% of young women and 69% of young men think so. It is surprising because 44% of the pupils stressed that their mothers drive a car and usually bring them to school. We believe that their opinions are not connected with their own experience. There is quite a common stereotype that “the main purpose of the woman is to be beautiful and kind”. 87 % agreed with this. The result is surprising. As for the stereotype in the family sphere “only a woman should concern about her children” only 28 % agree with this judgment. Again we see a reinterpretation of role positions of both sexes in the family.

According to the declaration by our state of equal rights to work and pay for men and women, and almost universal employment of women outside the home, about 41% of the respondents agree with the statement that “the wife must not earn more than her husband”. Such opinion of our pupils corresponds to the real situation in our country. The average wage of Russian women makes up about 70% of men’s wage. Many people think that it should be so. This anachronism is associated with the traditional (patriarchal) leading man’s role – the role of breadwinner. It is the man, – (not a woman, and not the two of them) – who should earn money for the family. An economically independent woman is a woman who earns well and copes with her professional duties, who apparently spends a lot of time working, which significantly reduces her ability to handle family matters, or to spend time with her relatives, and thus deprives her of a successful personal life. 29 % of the respondents agreed with the stereotype that “a woman cannot be a good surgeon, a lawyer, a politician”. That is, these are examples of professions in which only the man can reach the top.

About 53% of the respondents agree with the statement “the equality between women and men exists”. 62% said that their mothers are always trying to change their fathers.

CONCLUSION

Gender behavior is significantly influenced by the processes of socialization and social forces than by natural or innate differences. Gender roles depend on society, culture, geographic location, politics and more. The society in which one lives determines to a huge extent the patterns of behavior that a person has to be in line with, depending on their sex. For many people it is hard to believe that most of their understanding of gender is a result of outside influence.

Taking into consideration the abovementioned facts, we’ve made the following conclusion: at present in Belarus there are actively pursuing policies which aimed at removing gender stereotypes, creation of equal conditions for both parents to care for and educate their children from the very early age. Not only mothers but also fathers received the right to a leave for child care. For men, it is not only the right but also the duty. And many of them realized what a joy it is to be a real father, to spend time with your own child, watch his or her growth and development. Women also got more opportunities for self-fulfillment outside the home.

Despite the difference between man and women, they have some things in common – their home and children. As we see, home is a family place – a castle and resort of each member. If it is so, then each member should participate in home formation. Only this way, a person can have a rest there and get strength for solving problems and taking decisions. Not only adult s can influence the home making. Many people believe in stereotype that women make home while men can only built it or just earn money for buying a house or a flat to live in. Modern life has changed this belief greatly. Home is a place you rest and feel free and different than in offices and establishments. To feel free you need surround yourself with your favourite stuff. That leads to the conclusion of both sides participate in making home the sweetest, the best place for yourselves and children.

The real builder of homes is the one who has enough time for doing that. Most families in Belarus (and our pupils’ parents as well) are trying to connect their jobs and house–holding. It goes without saying, they are heroes. Because they can stand stress and tension. It means, at present we have women-builders. To make home “sweet home”, parents must cooperate and work together. Home is for family, family means the acceptance of taste of each parent (and a child or children as well). That’s why people call people whom love “sweethearts”. Without understanding this families do not last long. Many years ago the stereotype was “women’s role is to devote themselves to growing-up kids, teaching them and pleasing husbands”. But at present the roles are not the same. One of the reasons is that children need both parents to become a full-fledged person. Parents’ behaviour and relationship also influence the formation of their children’s personality.

 So, our pupils believe that the gender stereotypes regarding both women and men are common, but most of them do not dominate relationships in the family is the real home for soul and body rest. Money or other properties do not affect the true spelling of the word “home’. Coming home people enjoy being among people they love, respect and trust. It’s impossible if one member of the family goes for work while the other only brings children and does all the work about the house. Home is a place where your soul is. And your soul is near the  person you love more than anyone else. Love makes men and women do everything for their partners in life. When a woman wants to decorate the flat or change something about the house, men are eager to support them. If a man wants anew make of a car, a woman is eager to earn money to give her man a chance to fulfill his ideas. Love makes people do everything!

So, as you see, we’ve proved that a proverb “Men make houses, women make home” is just a stereotype.

REFERENCES

1. “What do we mean by “sex” and “gender”? World Health Organization. http: who.int/gender/en/index.html. Retrieved 2017-09-29.  

2. Теоретические аспекты гендерных стереотипов в полных и неполных семьях [Электронный ресурс] // Psychology OnLine.Net. – Режим доступа: http:// psychology-online.net/articles/doc-1100.html. – Дата доступа: 20.12.2017. 3. Гидденс Э. Социология / Э. Гидденс [Электронный ресурс] // Киевский национальный университет им. Т. Шевченки. – Режим доступа: http://www.socd.univ. kiev.ua/LIB/PUB/G/GIDDENS/sociology.pdf. – Дата доступа: 20.09.2017.

3. Бюллетень «Гендерное равенство» Министерства труда и социальной защиты Республики Беларусь №5, 2014 [Электронный ресурс] // Министерство труда и социальной защиты Республики Беларусь. – Режим доступа: http://mintrud.gov. by/system/extensions/spaw/uploads/files/UN-Gender-No.5-2014-to-be-published. pdf. – Дата доступа: 07.11.2017.

4. Отчет национального исследования причин семейного неблагополучия в Республике Беларусь / С.Н. Бурова [и др.]. – Минск: В. И. З. А. ГРУПП, 2009. – 352 с. 5. Материалы международной конференции “Combating Gender stereotypes in and through Education”, Helsinki, 9-10 October 2014 – [Электронный ресурс] // Совет Европы. – Режим доступа: http://www.coe.int/t/dghl/standardsetting/equality/05conferences/2014NFPHelsinki/default_en.asp. – Дата доступа: 25.11.2017.

5. Ерофеева Н.В. В классе мальчики и девочки: как их учить? /. Ерофеева// Народное образование. – 2001. - №2. – С. 169-171.

APPENDIX 1.

PROVERBS ABOUT HOUSE AND HOME

Task 1. Read the proverbs and match two parts according to the meaning.

APPENDIX 2.

THE RESULTS OF THE SURVEY AMONG THE SENIOR PUPILS OF GYMNASIUM №1 TOWN GORKI

APPENDIX 3.

CONFLICTS WHICH ARISE DUE TO BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Task 1. Read the list of problems which lead to conflicts between men and women. Say which of them in your opinion are true to our life, which are not. Give your arguments.

• The most frequent complain men have about women:  Women are always trying to change them.

• The most frequent complaint women have about men: Men don’t listen.
• Women want empathy, yet men usually offer solutions.
• When a woman tries to change or improve or correct or give advice to a man, men hear that they are being told that they aren’t competent or don’t know how to do something or that they can’t do something on their own.
• Men often feel responsible or to blame for women’s problems.
• Men always assume women want advice and solutions to problems, that that is the best way to be helpful and to show love; women often just want someone to sincerely listen to them.
• Housework: men avoid it, try to get others to do it at all costs, feel demeaned by doing it. For women, cleanliness of house is a manifestation of warm, homey nest. Men and women have different thresholds for cleanliness and dirt.
• Men often try to change a woman’s mood when she is upset by offering solutions to her problems, which she interprets as discounting and invalidating her feelings.
• Women try to change men’s behavior by offering unsolicited advice and criticism and becoming a home-improvement committee.

HOW TO WORK WITH THESE DIFFERENCES

• When women are upset, it is not the time to offer solutions, though that may be appropriate at a future time when she is calmed down.
• A man appreciates advice and criticism when it is requested. Men want to make improvements when they feel they are being approached as a solution to a problem rather than as the problem itself.
• Men have great needs for status and independence (emphasis on separate and different); women have needs for intimacy and connection (emphasis on close and same).
• Women need to receive caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance.
• Women are motivated when they feel special or cherished.
• Men need to receive trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, encouragement.
• Men are motivated when they feel needed.   A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough or not competent enough, though he may never express this.

SUMMARY

• There are major, significant differences between men and women.
• The differences are different, NOT better or worse.  Do not judge the differences.  Do not try to change the differences.   Do not try to make them go away.
• These are generalizations! Individual differences exist; we all have some of these qualities.
• To get along, you MUST accept, expect and respect these differences.
• Be sure to remember these differences when communicating about anything important, when expressing care and concern, and when solving conflicts.

Task 2. Write in 150  words your own opinion to the topic. Say which of them are important for your future relations and why.

APPENDIX 4.

Task 1.  Let’s have a debate. One group (boys) represents men’s style, the second one (girls) – women’s. Give your idea how to avoid these kind s of conflicts.

GENDER DIFFERENCE IN COMMUNICATION STYLES OF MAN AND WOMAN

According to Deborah Tannen’s studies

• Men tend to talk more than women in public situations, but women tend to 

     talk more than men at home.

• Women are more inclined to face each other and make eye contact when

 talking, while men are more likely to look away from each other.

• Men tend to jump from topic to topic, but women tend to talk at length about one topic.
• When listening, women make more noises such as “mm-hmm” and “uh-huh”, while men are more likely to listen silently.
• Women are inclined to express agreement and support, while men are more inclined to debate.

According to Julia Wood theories :

• Misunderstandings stem from differing interaction styles.
• Men and women have different ways of showing support, interest and caring
• Men and women often perceive the same message in different ways.
• Women tend to see communication more as a way to connect the sense of 

closeness in the relationship.

• Men see communication more as a way to accomplish objectives.
• Women give more response cues and nonverbal cues to indicate interest and build a relationship.
• Men use feedback to signal actual agreement and disagreement.
• For women,"ums""uh" and "yeses" simply mean they are showing interest 

and being responsive.

• For men, these same responses indicate is agreement or disagreement with what is being communicated.
• For women, talking is the primary way to become closer to another person.
• For men, shared goals and accomplishing tasks is the primary way to 

become close to another person.

• Women can avoid being hurt by men by realizing how men communicate 

caring.

• Men can avoid being hurt by women by realizing how women communicate caring.
• Women who want to express caring to men can do so more effectively by

 doing something for them or doing something with them.

• Men who want to express caring to women can do so more effectively by 

verbally communicating that they care.

• Men emphasize independence and are therefore less likely to ask for help in accomplishing an objective.
• Men are much less likely to ask for directions when they are lost than 

women.

• Women develop identity within relationships more than men
• Women seek out and welcome relationships with others more than men
• Men tend to think that relationships jeopardize their independence
• For women, relationships are a constant source of interest, attention and communication.
• For men, relationships are not as central.
• The term "Talking about us" means very different things to men and women.
• Men feel that there is no need to talk about a relationship that is going well.
• Women feel that a relationship is going well as long as they are talking

about it.